Sometime in September, you’ll be able to see me fail miserably at guessing the gender of some transvestites. That’s right, friends! It’s time for another Maury “Guess the Gender” EXTRAVAGANZA!
About a week ago, a few friends of mine came to visit me at work, and while they were there, they mentioned an interesting opportunity to appear on television. A producer had contacted the Hasty Pudding looking for Ivy League undergrads to compete against each other, and given that we are the collegiate experts at cross-dressing, we seemed like a perfect fit.
Shockingly, there weren’t many Pudding members and alums in the NYC area interested in participating. To me, everything about this opportunity sounded outstanding, and I quickly agreed. Last Friday at 7:00am, Maury sent a Mercedes-Benz to pick up me and two of my classmates, and we began the first of two interesting days.
Day One was a failure. The AC in the control room had broken, so filming had been canceled. We got a nice trip to Stamford, and we got paid, but we didn’t get to see any transvestites. Princeton and Yale were also in attendance, with the former going so far as to send a cheer section to sit in the audience. It should be noted that both of these other schools sent a rather diverse group of people, while Harvard ended up with three incredibly white kids, which, as I type it, does not sound surprising at all. Anyway, we dejectedly returned home, some of us worried that we wouldn’t be able to return on Monday for a second try.
Luckily, Monday came along, and two of us were traveling back to Stamford (in a Jaguar this time). We arrived at the studio, and the producers were quick to point out the loud, functional AC. After wandering around backstage for a while, we sat down for a quick McDonald’s breakfast in a makeup room.
We were shuffled into the audience holding room, where a TV was loudly blasting a previous paternity results show.
Only four students could make it out for the show this time (1 Princeton, 1 Yale, 2 Harvard), so the dynamic was a bit different. Either way, we were ready to prove that our expensive educations also taught us real-world skills. After a bit of waiting, some handlers came and took us to our spot in the audience. We were told that we would have the best view of the girls and that this was the best place to sit so the cameras could capture our reactions.
Lights, camera, FAILURE! I turned off my phone at this point so I could focus on guessing. It didn’t work. I’d rather not spoil any of the surprises, so I’ll just say that my guesses were frighteningly wrong. The taping took 90 minutes with a few long breaks for costume changes, and then it was done. They filmed a couple of promos, one of which mentions us, and after a quick photo op with Maury backstage, we were back on our way to NYC. The episode airs sometime in September.
Sure we got paid, but it certainly wont cover the cost of the years of therapy I will require in order to feel confident going out at night. I mean, I was so convinced a couple of them were girls… Damn you, Maury!